I am worth being here

For years I've been depressed and thought about dying. I resented myself and tried to destroy everything that had to do with me.

Around 24-25 came the change. I was sick and tired being unhappy every day. I could say it was due to my relationship. I had something I wanted to fight for, to get better.

I had to clean up a lot of emotional mess, had to realise I was worth being alive. Had some up and downs but I can finally say: "I am worth being here".

This summer has been one of the best in my life. I found a partner that I can relate too. One that accepts my faults and points out to me that they aren't as bad as I believe them to be.We found our strenghts and the way to utilize them. Sometimes we still get mad at eachother but we forgive eachother soon enough.

I must say the world looks a whole lot better with you by my side.

Worg part 1

Dug up my old Rackham models and decided to work on Worg. These models are made out of tin but so far I know these aren't made anymore. I don't even know if Rackham still excists lol

The details on this model are amazing. And assembly is pretty easy. For good reach I will keep the legs off until I am done with the body. I need to use some green stuff to fill up the gaps.

Stands as a rock. The designers kept in mind to keep this mini well balanced. Filed off the rough ends.

Added his other arm and as you can see there is a gap between his shoulder pad and his back. I could leave it open because shoulderpads are loose accessoiries so I am in doubt whether to fill it up or not.

Next step will be coating it with a black base. Worg on the box is gray but I like my wolves brown, so brown its going to be. Sadly the weather is not that good so the coating has to wait on dryer days. 

Back to blogging

Been a while since I've used this blog but having my life back on track I will use this once again. This blog will mainly be used for my crafts and cute findings.

Another eventfull day at work

So after the flooded basement I thought things couldnt get worse and they just did.

When I just started working here I smelled gas whenever I went downstairs. Ingrid said its because the building was old.

Well now we just found out the whole gas pipe is ripped and gas is leaking in the small room basement. No wonder I got a headache each time I spend a while downstairs. And we are damn lucky we didnt kill ourselves with switching the lights on.

Now lets hope Essent will get their asses in gear and come fix this shit. I dont want to be blown to bits @___@

I think I found a store who can make me dresses

I always wanted to have those cool gothic-lolita type of clothes. But seeing I am size 'fat' I could never find stuff here. By joining up with EGL community here on LJ I found a manufacturer that might make my size. I sent them an email :x. I already lost a lot of weight but atm I am stuck at size 46 and I dont lose anymore :x. BAH!

The skirt I am eyeing at is this one.



See how amazingly cute that is :3. I preordered for Dasha and Ryan the last Dollheart line, Sorcerer and the other outfit with the eyepatch xD. So we can go completely gothic-loli to the next Elf Fantasy Fair. Last year I got a lot of comment saying my doll was pretty dressed up but I needed an outfit too @__@.

So hopefully they can make it for me with a black pettycoat and then I am half set for the fair, going to wear it at work too when no clients come around :3. Dont know how they will react to a gothic-loli secretary. And Ryan hmmm I wonder if he will like it. He likes it better if I wear skirts anyway then jeans lol.

This one is also on my wishlist for Christmas. Hope they can make!

Arte Nouveau

So I am trying to find a special art piece for my room. I love the work of Alphonse Mucha and the 4 seasons is one of my favorite but seeing my mother wants it for the livingroom I´m settling for a different piece. At the moment my eye is caught on this one.



I know she is smoking but she smokes gracefully! I wished I was as magestic like her.

Lately I´ve been having movie discussions with Ryan. He only likes Saw, last one nearly made me faint at the beginning. But I am still swooning over Inglorious Bastards. Never have I thought before that Brad Pitt is eye-candy to me until I feasted my eyes on his role here. Normally I even get annoyed with heavy accents but now omg! he swepped me of my feet. Too bad its just a part they play.
Its weird tho I keep having dreams about that SS-officer Hans Landa, dude is old enough to be my dad lol.

I part you all with these hotties :3



I might want to buy these posters for above my bed :3!!!

Decoration stuff

When this house is going under major construction I am throwing the style of my bedroom completely around.

I am going for Baroque.

At the Xenos they have these cute silver bellycabinets, but I dont know if I want to go for silver furniture. Its really hard to combinate with the rest of the room. Black will be to dark so I was more thinking about white or cream color. But if the wallpaper is white, white furniture is going to be out of the question. I can always buy the cabinet and paint it in the color most fitting after the walls is done.

I've been browsing through some dutch websites with Baroque fashion articles. And I particular like this site. www.manoir.nl/index.php. They have some amazing silver/fuchsia colored thrones I would love for my room. They go around € 200 a piece so 2 would be sufficiant.
My father wanted to buy them for me but I refused his offer. Its too expensive to accept it as a gift.

But here are the beauties I was mentioning :3





Problem with the throne will be my cat...she sheds hair like crazy but I cant lock her out of my bedroom/livingroom when the reconstruction is done. I'm might get a grand foulard to cover it up when I am not at home. She can lie on that when its covering the chairs. My black baroque pillow looks like a grey one when she lied on top of it T___T.

Finally I need to make photos of the picture frames I bought at Xenos and Action last week. They will fit perfect :). Just need to bugger Ryan for photos.